


California Never Felt Like Home To Me Until I Had You On The Open Road

by theGirlNightwing



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: ?? kind of, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friendship, Gen, I didn't mean for this to happen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Nonbinary Marquis de Lafayette, Past Adrienne de Lafayette/Marquis de Lafayette, Past Alexander Hamilton/Maria Reynolds - Freeform, Past James Reynolds/Maria Reynolds, Purgatory, Weird Shit, adrienne's death is mentioned, and james reynolds, burr is mentioned, but it did, but it's basically these two nerds going on an extended road trip with no one else around, google translate french, i have 7k in two other ham fics im working on lol, i wrote it then reread it then looked away and clicked post, light tho, look - Freeform, not even 2k words wow im disappointed in myself, otherland, road analogies, road trips through the desert, so is Alex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 12:17:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7844587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theGirlNightwing/pseuds/theGirlNightwing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The road that is life is long and windy. But they have each other now.</p><p>(teen for self harm mentions. and gratuitous use of the word f*ck. title by halsey)</p>
            </blockquote>





	California Never Felt Like Home To Me Until I Had You On The Open Road

**Author's Note:**

> un beta'd. 
> 
> mention of self harm, but that's about it.
> 
> u g h. look. I had an existential crisis and needed to write someone going on a spontaneous road trip in purgatory. so sue me. 
> 
> (i have two 7k fics in the works and i was itching to publish *something*. if you like my style keep an eye out hopefully ill get one done by the end of the week)

The road is long and windy.

* * *

 

Thing is, they don't know how they got here, in this car.

Maria had woken up one day, expecting the blank, off-white walls of her bedroom. The springy mattress underneath her.

Instead she was greeted with the tan inside of a BMW.

Laf woke up next to her two days later, expecting to be wrapped in the arms of the pretty young thing they picked up at a bar. They were surprised when they opened their eyes to see a woman instead of a man.

"You haven't tried to drive it?" Laf asks, squinting into the distance, desert sun already tinting their skin pink.

"The tank's empty," Maria says. "We don't have the keys."

Laf shrugs. "We can make it work."

"Sure." There's silence for a while before Maria says, "I'm Maria. Reynolds."

"I know," Laf says. Maria grits her teeth, thinks of the newspapers' less than favorable opinion on her, but then they add - "Alexander Hamilton is a close friend of mine."

"Oh," says Maria, because. Well. What are the odds, right?

Laf waits - lowers the roof, cos apparently the car's a convertible, _how the hell did Maria not notice?_ \- until Maria buckles the passenger side seatbelt to slam on the gas.

The car peels down the concrete, and Laf whoops, wind in their hair and a wild grin on their face. Maria yelps, scrabbles at the car door to find something to hold onto, and tries to comb her hair off her face. Both of them have unruly curls, but Laf's are staying back, as if they wouldn't dare cover their pretty face.

"Lafayette," they yell sometime later, still gunning it down the road.

"What?" Maria screams back.

"My name! _C’est Lafayette_ ," they repeat.

"Alright," Maria yells, because she doesn't know what to say to that.

Laf finally slows when they see the top of a gas station, then speeds even faster before jerking to a stop. "Food," they point out. "Water."

"I don't think we need it," Maria says. "I've been here for two days. Had nothing but sand and tumbleweeds and this goddamn car."

Laf shrugs. "Food is one of the more enjoyable things in life," they say. "After sex. And clothes."

Maria can't help but agree.

* * *

The road still twists, though it loses a few turns.

* * *

"So, what is this place?" Laf asks, munching on a stick of beef jerky. "Why are we the only two here?"

"I don't know," Maria says. Opens her mouth to say more, voice her opinions on the silence, the purgatory feel of the whole place - closes it. They probably don't want to hear it.

"You're thinking hard," Laf says. “ _Dîtes-moi_ \- tell me."

Maria hesitates. "I don't know. It's probably stupid."

"We were whisked away during sleep to this place in the middle of nowhere, Maria. The miles on the car are counting up from zero, which means we drove 90 miles and still all we saw was desert and an abandoned gas station. _S’il vous plait, mon cher._ No suggestion is stupid."

"A place for lost souls," Maria says. Turns to face the sunset. "I don't know. My life... Has been a mess, lately. The scandal. No one will hire me. I'm broke, can barely afford rent, much less my divorce lawyer."

" _Désolé_ ," Laf says. Gives an appropriate pause before, "Your idea holds merit, however."

"Your name," Maria says. "Marquis de Lafayette, yeah?"

"Call me Laf. _Mes amis_ \- they do, and it seems that, like it or not, Maria Reynolds, we will become friends too."

"No problem with me," Maria says. Hesitates. ”But you - you've been showing up in tabloids often - handsome, young, rich bachelor from France. Not much there for your soul to be lost over. No offense."

"None taken. It is.... How you say... Finding myself, that is the problem." Laf pauses. "If you don't mind, _mon cher,_ I might keep a few things secret. I do not know you well enough to spill my entire life."

"Fair," Maria says.

* * *

("The French," Laf says, weeks later, entwining their fingers with Maria's, "We gender everything. Chairs, books, tables. People, of course. It was a hard adjustment for my family. Some still refuse to call me anything but male."

"I'm sorry," Maria whispers. She looks up at the sky. The metal hood is uncomfortable under her back, but it's worth it for this moment.

"Don't apologize, _mon cher_. It is not your fault.")

* * *

The road is still long and windy, but they have each other now.

* * *

They've both lost their tempers at each other. Screaming and sobbing about how this is all a dream. A hallucination. Why can't we just die already, why can't we _just. Fucking. Die?_

Maria ends up around a mile down, usually. Sitting on the road, cross legged and breathing even.

Laf is unpredictable. Maria's driven in circles looking for them, only to come back to where they stormed off from and find them standing, kicking up rocks and dirt and frowning at the dust on their shoes.

* * *

Concrete turns to gravel turns back to concrete. There's an extra twist now, a few more bumps.

* * *

Maria doesn't talk about the two days before Laf arrived.

Laf doesn't bring up the fresh scars on her inner wrists, though their eyes do linger, and their hands hover, unwilling to touch but at the same time concerned.

Maria doesn't pester them about the way they tense when she brings up the subject of her being ace yet still liking sex. They tell her they're pan, nonbinary, and then won't say another word to her for the rest of the day. That night, they reach over and lace their fingers together. Whisper, "sorry."

Laf doesn't ask her about Alex.

She tells them anyway, through whispers at night when she thinks they're asleep. About James Reynolds and his coercive ways, forcing her to seduce Alex. Alex being so kind, she actually fell for him.

She often passes out crying.

Laf has to untangle themselves from her arms to exit the car, sitting on a nearby rock over a cliff and lighting a cig she didn't notice them swipe. Stares into the dark until the sun breaks past the horizon. Crushes the cherry with their shoe, heads back to the car and settles down for an hour before Maria wakes with a face full of sunlight, making grabby hands for a coffee, speaking broken French Laf has been attempting to teach her.

* * *

The road continues.

* * *

"Adrienne," Laf says suddenly, as they sit together, taking turns swigging from the cheap wine bottle. 

Maria turns to look at them through her sunglasses. "Who?"

"My fiance," Laf says. "Adrienne was the name of my fiance."

Chills run up Maria's spine. "...was?"

"She was killed," Laf says. They swallow, and stare vacantly at the pink sunrise. "Assassinated. She was... Involved in too many high up positions in corporations. Said the wrong thing. They killed her."

"Oh," Maria breathes. "Fuck. I'm sorry Laf, is there anything I can do?"

Laf shakes their head. "I'm fine."

There are tear tracks on their face now. Maria reaches into the plastic bag from the last abandoned gas station they'd passed, pulls out a pack of shitty prepackaged eclairs that had caught her eye. Hands them to Laf. "It's not what you're used to, but."

They laugh, throw their arms around her, whisper "thank you" in her hair too many times to count.

* * *

Maria starts to smile again. Truly smile. A way she hadn’t done since before her marriage - a happiness she didn’t think she’d feel again.

Laf feels an entire world lifted off their shoulders. They wax poetic about Atlas and the sky, they say that Maria has lessened their burden infinitely.

“And,” Laf says. “I’ve been thinking. I have a lawyer friend, Aaron Burr. If I find you when we get out of here - and we will - I will pay for him to be your divorce lawyer.” They hold up a hand to stop whatever Maria was about to say - indignant face already in place - and continue, “Not out of pity, _mon cher_. Not out of gratefulness. We have been here for so long we lost track of the days. We are friends, _non_? And friends help each other.”

Maria’s stunned speechless, eyes shining. Laf shifts a little on their feet, unsure. “We are friends… yes?”

“Yeah,” Maria says. “Yeah, Laf, I… yeah. Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“I kind of do,” They say, smiling. “We’ve lived together for so long, _mon cher_. I think you know me better than I do. And I you.”

Maria snickers, and hands Laf her half eaten chocolate bar. They roll their eyes, but accept it anyway.

* * *

It ends at a mountain.

* * *

What the fuck?" Maria says. Laf shakes their head, exits the car and stares.

It looks like someone just took an entire mountain and dropped it in the middle of the road.

"Over or around?" They ask. Maria stares at them. They shrug. "We've traveled too far to backtrack now. And god knows I'm not going to stay still."

"Yeah," Maria says. "Around, I guess. I've grown fond of this car."

Laf, privately, agrees.

When they fall asleep again, the image of the desert shimmers. It'll collapse soon, it knows. They won't need it anymore. They've healed. They're healing. They've started to trust.

* * *

Maria wakes up in her bedroom, sees the off-white, impersonal walls, and screams.

(Laf wakes to the sound of a scream.)

* * *

There's a knock on Maria's door.

She shivers, wrapped in a blanket, unwilling to move. "Was it a dream?" She mumbles. "Just a dream. In my head."

"Maria!" She hears. Voice muffled and unrecognizable. "Open the door. Please!"

She almost doesn't.

But she gets up, slides the chain to unlock it. Opens it to see.

Well.

"Laf," she gasps through a face full of their hair. "Oh my god."

They're squeezing her tightly in a hug, almost sobbing into her shoulder, babbling French she only barely understands.

She awkwardly pats their back. "We're back," she whispers in wonder, closing her eyes. "We're back."

**Author's Note:**

> (laf buys a convertible bmw. maria punches them in the arm and calls them a sentimental idiot, but they see her smiling when they're not looking. 
> 
> burr agrees to help. maria gets half of james' possessions out of the divorce and the blackmail/assault/harassment lawsuit gives her the other half.
> 
> the two of them don't live happily ever after, because they're only human. but they do drive off into the sunset in their bmw at least once. 
> 
> okay. maybe a lot more than once.)
> 
>  
> 
> yell at me if i used he/him/his for laf. 
> 
> or just talk to me in the comments, plz. we can scream about hamilton and daveed diggs and jcj.


End file.
